The fat exchange system.

I’ve been on a diet of late. Not low-carb, not low fat, not grapefruit, just a diet. I’ve been eating less calories than before, so I’ve lost weight. Specifics of weight lost are not that important. The pounds are not here, they’re lost.

In moments of victory like this I can ignore the greater implications of the loss. But after I’ve floated in my lightness a while, one has to asked the question: where did the weight go?

Somewhere in the eighth grade science class I learned that energy could neither be created or destroyed, only conserved and transferred. Fat is the body’s way of storing or conserving energy for later use. --Right?

It follows that if I cannot destroy fat. I can only hold or transfer fat. The “hold” concept, I’ve mastered. Leading to the repeated requests from my doctor’s to loose potential energy. I’ve asked how the loss might be accomplished. Large massive objects tend to like to stay in place. I assume I have to move it somewhere. What method of transfer I should use? Doctor’s aren’t really physicists so they usually just say, “It doesn’t matter, any method will do. Try running.” If I set my fat in motion, I could out run it? Doctor’s mostly like to just torture people of high potential energy. Judging by the number of fat people in their office, I think they don’t know much about energy (fat) transfer. However, like any scientist with a hypothesis, this is what I have observed. Given the laws of thermodynamics, if I wanted to loose the stored energy I would have to transfer it to another body. So I have set about trying to figure out where my formerly stored energy has went.

The new food pyramid came out from the Federal Government last month. It pointed out Americans were getting fat. Well I’m not, mines going somewhere. But I have noticed some of my co-workers are gaining weight as I loose it. I wonder if I’m not inadvertently transferring it to them? This is a totally plausible theory. Quite a few people have gotten gastric by-passes at work in the last year, and lost lots of weight. But an equal number of people have gained weight. Well, that’s not completely true. A few real large people have lost a lot of weight, and quite a few have gained a little. I’ve sort of discovered the fat transfer system. It appears to work on osmosis. Fat travels from areas of high concentration in one individual to areas of lower concentration in other individuals. I guess the secret to loosing weight is to surround yourself with thinner people.

This theory has implications beyond just the average American, or the human race. I have noticed that most of the large blubber bearing animals, the whales, seals, and hippopotami have been driven nearly to extinction. The side affect, transfer of their fat. The real reason Americans are getting fat, is the lack of whales on our shores and oceans to store the blubber. Now, you all make take exception with this theory. But its as plausible as some of the other theories I hear a lot on matters that concern the health of Americans. Fat transfer is akin to soul transfer that occurs with reincarnation. The fat never dies, it just takes up residence in a new body. I'm just trying to figure out how to make a fat transfer pill I can offer on a infomercial. If I claim it will promote good Christian behavior and save the whales, I can sell it to the peacenicks and the reddy’s.