The Angels of the Election

I’m going to get over this election eventually. But in the mean time I’m having a lot of fun listening to people explain it. Some of the more silly series conversations I’ve heard recently on this subject center around the place of Angels in our heritage and how they affected the election. I’m not talking about angelic people, but rather real Angels. You know, the Michael, Gabriel, Lucifer kind. Its pretty weird to figure out how Angels have anything to do with the election. But in explaining Fundamentalist Christian thoughts and “Moral Values” I seem to get involved in conversations about how many angels got kicked out of heaven when Lucifer fell.

Apparently one third of the angels got kicked out of heaven. You know, The Archangel Mike, kicked Lucifer out cause he (Lucifer) (Mike’s more humble) thought he was as beautiful as God. –Apparently the Christian God is a jealous God. --So I interpret from what John say’s in Revelation. –That, and an awful lot of stuff in the Christian Bible where God doesn’t like anyone paying attention to other deities or points of view.

The interesting thing about these discussions is how people take what are obviously, at best, drug induced, or, at worst, schizophrenic, ramblings of John serious. I bet that if anyone came up and said the Archangel Gabe (my favorite, cause he had this stellar winged horse that he flew Mohammad around with) had just showed up, and talked to them, they’d end up committed. On a direct flight from San Francisco to New York, one of my roommates once thought he was Jesus. The good people of American Airlines, were doubtful, and dropped him off in Salt Lake city. A fact, I’ve always thought ironic. In recent history, the Mormons cite the latest appearance of Jesus (and angels for that matter). So I guess corporate America sends them all possible new candidates for a reappearance.

The Mormons are an interesting study. Not because they believe Jesus appeared to the Indians in America, or that the Angel Moroni gave them a divinely inspired Second Testament of Christ, they are interesting because the old school Christians think they are nuts. “Imagine, thinking Jesus could appear again.” “ Imagine there could be a new Angel that wasn’t written about in the Old or New Testaments.” “My God, that’s the work of Lucifer!” I suppose Mohammad is the work of Lucifer too. Though if you read the Koran it appears he’s the work of Gabriel. The Koran and book of Mormon leave me very confused as to who is a good, sneaky, or cool angel with a winged horse. I won’t tell you where my zealot Christian associates leave me.

So, as part of these Angelic conversations, one of my old girlfriends was trying to nail me down on my religious beliefs the other night. Mainly cause I had just made the mistake of listening to a Pat Robertson interview on Fox while I was at the gym. Old Pat can get the hair up on my back pretty quick. Mostly cause he spends all his time explaining in a folksy facade how everyone who isn’t white and Baptist is probably an instrument of the devil. He seems to have a real fascination with Gays. (I’m of the opinion I know were Lucifer is. He has a TV show.) Pat’s a bit like Osama Bin Laden, the sooner he’s no longer able to make videos, we are probably better off.

But as I was saying the old girlfriend called me that night, and decided to discuss the election. Somehow we got on the subject of Angels. How, I’m not sure. I asserted Pat spreads bigotry in the name of Jesus, and we quickly moved to Angels. Probably because the best way to steer clear of a subject Christians don’t want to THINK about is to talk about some supernatural being that leaves no physical evidence of being. Not that I’m accusing her of diversionary tactics. She was just trying to clarify points of the scripture to me. --Though I didn’t ask her too. But I’m really talking about a lot of others I’ve been talking to lately. They keep mentioning Lucifer’s work. They like to quote crap from Revelation as the basis for electing Bush. They seem to think we are involved in some last day’s war, --Evil angels against the less sneaky ones. One person even asserted Gay’s and their agenda were the work of the devil and the other angels cast out at the end of Angelic Wars. (Those would be the sneaky ones.)

Let me get this straight. Gays are gays because Lucifer lost a war inside a schizophrenic’s head?

That’s a basis for a vote?

I’m beginning to think direct election of the president would be a bad idea.

Angelic involvement or not.

Just remember, when everyone (Christians) are picking on Gays. Lucifer got cast out cause he thought he was better than someone. That’s if you believe in something as silly as angels.