The Phantom and the Bigelk

How I found myself driving in a rented Toyota 4 Runner from just North of NYC back to Berkeley is another entry. But I have. Today’s goal: get to Columbus Ohio. Home of Schmidt’s in German Village. They have cream puffs the size of your head there. That’s the way the Reverend Dan Paul, put its. I’m not so sure. The puffs weigh a half pound. I’ve had them once before, with Dan, back in like 94, when he was just Dan, not the Reverend Dan. I think they are more than slightly smaller than my head. Maybe Dan meant they were bigger than his head? Wait, no. They couldn’t be. His head is bigger than mine. Hmm, anyway. I didn’t get one. Normally one can cross Pennsylvania in about 6-7 hours. I’ve done it, many times, normally on the Turnpike. Today I took Interstate 80. A little revenge was taken on me for all my cracks about angels in this Blog I think. There was too much road construction. Traffic actually came to a standstill at several points for as much as a half hour. That blew the first hour. Then there was the fire. About eighty miles East of Youngstown Ohio, I’d been playing leapfrog with a trucker by the name of “Phantom 309.” I know this cause he had it “Phantom 309” emblazoned on either side of his engine cowling. He also had “Class of 81” across the back of his cab. You get the hint of how many times we passed each other by how much I observed on his Kennworth. It was bright red pulling a 40 foot bright red trailer. Old Phantom would tailgate then pass me in his semi on the downhill, and I’d pass him again on the up hill. We’d been playing with each other for about sixty miles. That was just enough miles, that I was beginning the wonder what old Phantom looked like, maybe he me. We got our chance. Another semi about a half mile ahead caught fire, and threw up such a good set of flames it pretty much blocked the freeway. Traffic came to a stop for another 90 minutes. I was up the hill, with a fairly good view of the flames. Phantom pulled up right behind, shut down his engine and cleared out of his cab. He was about 5 foot 9 inches tall, slight build, with skin leathery enough to let you know he’d been smoking since he was the “Class of 81.” He walked up beside me looking at the flames. “Looks like this going to take a while. Well, I got some hot dogs, we could cook. Course, not sure how’d they’d taste with that heat source.”

Phantom went on to say a few other things. We talked briefly to a woman (30ish) who had a small girl of about four with her. They were part of the crowd of onlookers too. We chatted about each the fact my car had California plates, and them she walked on. Phantom, leaned over to me a bit. “She ain’t bad lookin, even if she is carryin baggage.”

Now as I remember the particulars of the Phantom 309 song. Big Joe (the Phantom) died in a big rig jackknife trying to save a group of school kids crossing a road. Now every so often, he appears on a hill above the accident and gives a wayward soul a ride. My Joe, had another kind of ride in mind apparently. But as time passed, he entered into more conversation with me. His theory on the cause of the fire: too many computers etc hooked up in the sleeper compartment.” But as he reminded me of computers there on the side of the road, I decided to check my e-mail. Someone had responded anonymously to this blog asking where I came up with the handle Bigelk, He or she, had their theories. (My name could mean “Nobel? Loner? Insurance Salesman? In a dark mood? Try vanilla ice cream out of the box, just not the soft stuff?” --That’s their quote not mine.

I’m not sure where he or she was going with that. But truth is I probably stole the name, like Phantom 309. Difference is I stole it from characters I made up, not ones Tom Waits made up. Well, I just stole their surname. I’m sure Lisa, Norton, and the Bigelk twins wouldn’t mind, as I pretty much gave them the life they may have someday, if I ever finish the novel and convince someone to publish it. In the meantime, I borrow their name. (I’ll write a little section into the novel later where the Archangel Michael asks Lisa permission for me use the name, she’ll say ok. Who can refuse an angel, especially, if you are a fictitious character?)

But Phantom and Bigelk and quite a few thousand others of us, stood there watching a semi trailer pretty much burn and melt. The fire trucks from Emlenton, PA eventually showed up an put the fire out. The whole process took another 90 minutes. So, total loss in time on highway 80 was about 2 ½ hours, which got the Toyota 4 runner into Columbus at about 9:15 PM. Fifteen minutes after the cream puffs as big as your head had went sleep for the night.

I did stop at a nice truck stop in Sharon Ohio where stuff peppers were the special. I ordered them. They weren’t bigger than my head either.