Pennance
At 7:46 in the morning the Lord called to me: “Stan, Jay, or whatever your name is. (For it is difficult to tell, as your immediate relative’s call you one name, and your friends and co-workers call you another, so though omnipotent, I am confused) it is time to arise, you have a wage slave phone call in 14 minutes.
I spoke back to the Lord: “But Lord, I have been out this past night, listening to Lesbians sing Karaoke and drinking of beer. I have not the fortitude to face the masses on the phone call. I have sinned. I beg your forgiveness.
The Lord spoke back: “Lesbians are okay. I only forbid men who lie with men. Chicks are okay.”
“So, I can roll over and go back to sleep?” I said unto the Lord.
The Lord spoke unto me: “And what else did you do this previous eve?”
(The Lord is forgiving and always gives a chance to redeem oneself.)
“Well,” I said, unto the Lord, “I went to see Robert Redford speak.”
The Lord, (with a bit of giddiness in her voice –I forget sometimes he is a she) asks: “Ohh….., Is he still as handsome as ever?” (The Lord has many tasks at hand and often looses track of some of the issues that time take in the world.)
“Ah,” I said unto the Lord, “He is a bit weathered by the ages. Though okay, I guess.”
I heard only silence form the Lord. Then, a small rumble of my house. The Lord spoke: “I can fix that, it’s been a while since I moved upon the Earth.”
“I’m sure the women of the world, and a few misplaced men would be thankful, oh Lord. Can I go back to sleep now?” I answered.
The Lord said, “Yes, my son, Stan, Jay or whatever it is. But as a penance you shall have to rise on Friday morning at 6:45 AM to participate in a meaningless corporate training seminar on how to plan your Microsoft Calendar.”
“Thank you, oh Lord.” I said, and rolled over and hugged the dog.
I spoke back to the Lord: “But Lord, I have been out this past night, listening to Lesbians sing Karaoke and drinking of beer. I have not the fortitude to face the masses on the phone call. I have sinned. I beg your forgiveness.
The Lord spoke back: “Lesbians are okay. I only forbid men who lie with men. Chicks are okay.”
“So, I can roll over and go back to sleep?” I said unto the Lord.
The Lord spoke unto me: “And what else did you do this previous eve?”
(The Lord is forgiving and always gives a chance to redeem oneself.)
“Well,” I said, unto the Lord, “I went to see Robert Redford speak.”
The Lord, (with a bit of giddiness in her voice –I forget sometimes he is a she) asks: “Ohh….., Is he still as handsome as ever?” (The Lord has many tasks at hand and often looses track of some of the issues that time take in the world.)
“Ah,” I said unto the Lord, “He is a bit weathered by the ages. Though okay, I guess.”
I heard only silence form the Lord. Then, a small rumble of my house. The Lord spoke: “I can fix that, it’s been a while since I moved upon the Earth.”
“I’m sure the women of the world, and a few misplaced men would be thankful, oh Lord. Can I go back to sleep now?” I answered.
The Lord said, “Yes, my son, Stan, Jay or whatever it is. But as a penance you shall have to rise on Friday morning at 6:45 AM to participate in a meaningless corporate training seminar on how to plan your Microsoft Calendar.”
“Thank you, oh Lord.” I said, and rolled over and hugged the dog.
posted by Stan at 12:48 AM
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